Without you?
by ChryedLover
Summary: Chryed. A life changing moment for Christian and Syed.. Their relationship is put to the test!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Long time no fic! So I've kind of had a bit of inspiration, and I'm finally (kind of) getting confidence back in my writing. I've started this, and I'm unsure on whether I should continue. Any feedback, critique and/or criticism will be greatly received. Thank you! Love CC xx**

Christian entered the flat quietly, throwing his keys on the table after a few moments of fiddling with them.

"_I was expecting you back ages ago". _Syed bounded across the room, kissing him lightly on the face. _"I'll just reheat dinner, and we can sit down to eat. We better be quick though, the movie starts at 9.30". _

"_Er, I'm not hungry". _

An unsure smile passed Syed's face. _"Not hungry? You've been training all day babe." _A silent moment passed. _"Is everything alright"? _

Christian walked to the sofa, climbed over it before flopping onto it.

"_Yeah, everything's great. Life's brilliant. Did you know that a solution to global warming has been found today? Oh, and poverty's solved because us rich 1__st__ world countries decided to stop being so greedy, and yup, you guessed it, we're no longer in a world recession". _Sarcasm dripped through.

"_So, just a normal day then? Dinner's on the table if you want to join me"._ Without another word, Syed walked over to the table, and sat down to eat.

Syed ate in silence, pondering over what could be on Christian's mind. Clearly he wasn't ready to talk about it, but Syed couldn't figure it out. Normally he was the one with the problems. It definitely wasn't his birthday, or their anniversary so it's not like Syed had forgotten an important date. He had an inkling that Christian wasn't angry at him, so maybe it was something to do with his family? It couldn't be them either, because they'd settled into an uneasy truce of some sort.

Picking up his dishes, he headed over to the kitchen and began cleaning up. He could hear the shower was no longer running and knew Christian would be out shortly. Sure enough, the door opened and Christian came out wearing nothing but a towel. Syed didn't turn to him, but even from the corner of his eye, he could see the smooth back of his partner. A small smile crept across his lips.

Christian retreated into the spare room, and returned shortly, wearing a tight blue teal coloured shirt and jeans. The shirt clung to his body, defining his body. He sat on the sofa with his feet up and switched the telly off. Pulling his legs into his body, he placed a cushion on his lap, and buried his face in.

Syed watched him, from the kitchen. He sighed quietly, picked up a mug of hot chocolate and placed it on the table in front of Christian. Walking around the back of the sofa, he stood behind Christian and gently began massaging his shoulders. A blissful sigh left Christian's lips.

"_You looked stressed"._

Christian didn't say anything, only bringing a hand up to Syed's squeezing it. Acknowledging Syed's gesture.

Syed leant over, sliding his head next's to Christian, kissing him on the neck.

"_Ready to talk"? _

A single nod in return. Syed flung his legs over the sofa, placing himself next to his fiance. Slowly but surely, Christian lifted his face, until he had eye contact. He gazed into Syed's eyes, trying to decipher them, but only received a questioning look back. Any traces of worry were hidden well.

"_You know that I love you, don't you?"_

Syed nodded slowly. Moments of silence passed, and eventually Syed spoke, unable to cope much longer with the silent.

"_Christian, you're starting to scare me". _

"_I .." _A hesitant paused._ " I.. received a call today"…_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: 7 unanimous reviews in 30 minutes! Thank you so much! Feeling a lot more confident so I'm just going to post this chapter while I'm on a roll! Greatly appreciate it! Updates may be slow because it's Ramadaan, I have a lot of family stuff going on and I'm going back to uni in a month and a half *yay* but I promise to try my utmost to complete this! It's sort of been on my mind for about 4 weeks and it's driving me mad, so glad to finally get it out! Love CC x**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and settings and the rights go to their respective owners, the BBC / EastEnders.**

_I.. received a call today".._

"_Oh-kay. Who from"?_

"_It was my mother"._

Syed exhaled, before realising that he didn't even know he'd been holding his breath. Surely it couldn't be that bad. For a heart-stopping moment he'd thought that it was Dr Yusef, or from the hospital. He was so relieved that Christian wasn't ill.

"_Is she alright"?_

"_Yeah, she's fine. But it's my dad. He's not"._

Syed reached out and took Christian's hand into his own. He squeezed it affectionately, letting him know that he was there for him.

"_What's wrong with him"?_

"_He doesn't have much longer to live, 6 months at the most. He's old, Syed. He's really old. And my mum phoned me to ask me if - if I wanted to go and say…. Goodbye"._

Tears filled his eyes, and he brushed them defiantly away.

"_I'm so sorry Christian"._

"_It's not your fault." _Now that he'd started speaking, he couldn't stop. _"And the thing is, I should hate my dad. I should hate him for turning his back on me when he found out that I was gay, but I can't. Because he's still my dad"._

"_I can understand that. What are you going to do"?_

"_I don't know. I want to go and see him, because more than that, I need answers from him. It's been eating me up inside all day. There's stuff I need him to answer. I can't get it out of my head"._

Syed leaned forward, hugging Christian. He ran his fingers through the short hair, pulling Christian close.

"_It's okay, it really is"._

They pulled back, slowly.

"_Do you mind if I give you a bit of advice"?_

"_Hasn't normally stopped you". _He chuckled weakly, wiping his eyes.

"_What are you going to regret more? Facing your father and getting the truth, or leaving things be"?_

Christian twisted his hands together. His voice a whisper.

"_That's the thing, I already know the answer to that. I knew it straight away. I have to see him"._

"_I figured". _

"_You know what that means don't you"? _

"_Um, that you might not like what you hear..?"_

"_There's always that, but no, not that…" _

Swallowing hard, he took Syed's hands into his own.

"_Sy… I've got tickets on reserve"._

"_Tickets"?_

"_To Florida"._

Syed's mouth dropped, forming a small 'O' as realisation dawned on him.

"_Flo- how long for"?_

"_That's the thing, it's a single ticket for 2 months. The flight's on Friday". _


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you all for the support and reviews. I appreciate it greatly!… Love CC x**

Syed blinked stupidly.

"_Friday"?_

"_I have to book them by 10am tomorrow, if I want them"._

"_2 months"?_

"_Sy.."_

"_Florida"?_

"_Yeah"._

He stood up.

"_I just need some fresh air"._

"_Sy, please-"_

"_Please don't follow me". _The waver in his voice didn't go unnoticed by Christian.

Grabbing his keys, Syed walked straight out the door and outside.

Of all the things he was expecting, he didn't expect THAT. He felt bad, because in his heart of hearts, he knew that the reason he didn't want Christian to go was for purely selfish reasons. He didn't know how he'd be able to cope for 2 months without him. He felt angry at… he didn't who at. It wasn't Christian's fault that his dad was unwell, but 2 months? It wasn't fair, especially considering that he'd finally got his happy ending with the man of his dreams, and everything had just settled down, and now Christian was going to have to leave? It was a bombshell. Why was there something always lurking around the corner of them.

The cold September air hit his face, and he looked around. He was standing outside the flat, his legs hadn't walked anywhere. He stood staring at the wall, wishing he'd bought a jacket out now.

He couldn't tell Christian not to take the tickets, because it was for his family. 'But I'm his family now'. Syed pushed the thought away, as quickly as it came. How could he even think that? He knew how upset he'd be if Christian dismissed his family like that, and here he was doing exactly that.

Looking up to the sky, he closed his eyes, and prayed for an answer.

The door shut behind him, barely making a sound.

Christian was standing by the bedside table, with his back to the door. Being careful not to make a sound, Syed walked up behind him and slinked his arms around Christian's waist. Christian jumped, startled.

"_What you doing back already? I thought you were-"_

"_That woman didn't think much of us, did she"? _

Christian half turned his head, caught in Syed's embrace.

"_What?"_

"_In the photo"._

Christian looked back at the photo in his hands, finally understanding.

"_Ha, yeah. Silly old biddy is clearly still living in the medieval times"._

"_You could say that"._

An uneasy silence fell.

"_I'm sorry". "Look, don't-"_

They both stopped, and laughed.

"_I'm sorry Sy. I didn't mean to spring the news on you like that. But I have to do this"._

"_I understand, really. He's your dad, and if I was in the same position, I know that I'd want you to support my decision". _

Pulling back, Syed spun him around, gazing up at him.

"_I don't want you to leave on Friday, thinking that I'm not behind you on this. Because I am. 2 months - it's going to be a struggle but we'll be fine. I know we will". _

"_You should be kicking me out and threatening to break up with me. You shouldn't be so caring and understanding"._

"_Would you like me to kick you out and break up with you? Because I will if you do"._

"_Very funny"_ Christian managed a weak smile.

A couple of moments of understanding passed between them and slowly, they moved together, kissing tenderly.

They broke apart, longing the closeness again.

"_Christian-"_

"_Babe, why don't we skip the movie tonight, talk tomorrow and go to bed instead"?_

"_Best thing you've said all day". _

Taking Syed's hand, he pulled them onto the bed. They could talk tomorrow, but for tonight, he wanted nothing more than his beautiful soon-to-be-husband to hold him.

Whatever happened, he knew that their love could weather the storm.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Yes, 4 updates in 2 days :p. Must be feeling generous ;). On a serious note, I sort of updated by purely writing and going with what came in my head. I don't have time to overly proof read it as it's almost Iftari time, however I've just gone with the flow. It's a mega long update, because my brain had a lot it wanted to happen! Now, I know I sort of ended it on a cliff-hanger, but that's why I wrote a little extra bit at the end. It's a sort of indication of the way the story is going to go. That's all I can say so that I don't give it all away before you read it! And the reason I did it is to say a MASSIVE thank you to WFCTGIO for all your support. I've had a particularly tough few days, especially today, and it's just a little extra thank you by giving you an extra nugget :D. You're all amazing! Better shut my mouth now, so you can all crack on with reading! PS - Can't promise an update tomorrow! Love CC xxx**

_Friday morning:_

"_Are you all packed then"? _

"_Yeah, just need to pick up some shortbread for mum and then I'm good to go. She loves the English Shortbread, I think it makes her feel posh. You know tea and scones and all that jazz"._

"_Do you want me to go into town and pick it up for you"? _

"_Nah, don't worry about it, Billy's bringing it over later"._

"_Billy?" S_yed raised an eyebrow, from across the room. "_Is this the part where I'm supposed to get jealous?" _Syed rolled his eyes.

"_Completely jealous. In fact, you should be totally consumed by jealousy as he's so much younger and hotter than you". _Christian grabbed Syed's hands and slowly started walking backwards, spinning him around. With a small bump, Syed hit the pillar in the kitchen, and grinned as Christian stood over him.

"_Nah, only kidding. I caught his granddaughter up to no good, and he begged me not to go to the police. So I told him he could pick 'em up and save me a journey. Anyways, we have a more pressing concern"._

"_We do"?_

"_I have this ache in my hip, and it really, really hurts"._

Christian traced a finger down Syed's face, before landing on his collar.

"_Oh, really? Sounds like you need a masseuse"._

"_Definitely. Don't know anyone, by any chance do you"?_

His fingers slipped down the shirt, deftly unbuttoning the checked blue shirt.

"_Dunno. I might have a few contacts._"

"_Shame, I thought you could help seeing as I don't really want to take my business elsewhere"._

The air around them electrified further as Syed grabbed Christian's hand, halting him in his tracks. Their eyes dropped to their hands, before raising up to meet again.

"_Any reason why you're undressing me"?_

A throaty chuckle left Christian's mouth.

"_Oops. I thought you asked to me to undress you. Something about it being a bit too warm"._

Syed cocked his head to the side.

"_That's funny, I don't recall that"._

"_Hmm, must have a telepathic connection then, because I certainly recall it"._

"_Ooh, we have a telepathic connection now, do we"?_

Their fingers slipped, intertwining.

"_And what's your connection telling you now"? _

Christian pushed his body against Syed's, pinning him to the pillar, their hands locked above Syed's head. Dipping his head, Christian murmured into Syed's ear.

"_It's telling me…. that you want me.."_

Unable to contain his lust, a low moan emitted from Syed. Their mouths met eagerly, in a slow, lingering kiss. Breaking apart, confirmation in the other's eyes was all they needed. Their lips met, hastily. Pulling Syed away from the pillar, they stumbled towards the bed, making light work of their clothes as they did…..

-Chryed-

**Flashback:**

"_So, Sy, I've been thinking"._

"_Never a good thing"._

"_Shush. I'm being serious here"._

"_Serious? Is that a blue moon"?_

"_Syed"._

"_Full name? Okay, definitely serious. Let's hear it"._

"_Well you know how I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you"._

"_Can't say I do"._

"_Well, I've been thinking and well, I think we should become a proper family"._

"_We are a proper family"._

"_No, I mean, as in, you know, me, you and baby makes three"?_

"_A - baby? You want us to have a baby"?_

"_Well, adoption and surrogacy would be more viable"._

Syed didn't answer, thinking deeply.

"_You don't have to give me an answer now, but think about it"._

"_Christian, I already know my answer"._

"_And"? _

Syed felt a wave of guilt, as he saw the spark of hope in Christian's eyes.

"_I - don't want a kid"._

Christian's eyes dimmed, as if someone had switched a light off inside him.

"_I'm sorry Christian, but I'm happy with the way we already are"._

"_But don't you want a child of your own"._

"_I don't think I do anymore"._

"_Anymore…"_

The word hung between them, the meaning obvious.

"_I mean, I did once upon a time. But things are different now"._

Syed stood up from the table, walking around to Christian's side. He bent down next to Christian's chair, taking his hands into his own.

"_Christian, we have Kamil and Amy, I mean Amy practically lives here. We get the fun, the laughter, and none of the tantrums and nappies. We don't have to wake up in the middle of the night with a screaming baby. I'm crazy about you Christian, and I wouldn't change you for the world, but when I think about us and the future now, I don't see us with a baby in tow. For me, you are 'it' Christian. I don't need anything else to complete my happy family"._

Syed trailed off, squeezing Christian's hand. He willed him to say something, and felt bad, but he couldn't lie to him either.

"_I -". _Christian stopped, not saying anything.

"_Please, say something"._

"_Just picture it, please Sy. A girl. A beautiful little girl with rosy cheeks, pigtails, calling us 'daddy', coming to us for advice. Imagine her prom night, getting married, first day of school. And she's OUR daughter. Wouldn't that be perfect"?_

"_Not for me, Christian. That's all good and perfect, but what about when she gets teased for having 2 dad's, and what about the teenage years? When she'll get angry and tell us to get lost, or the sleepless nights or the arguments"._

Neither of them spoke, but each were equally hesitant to make the next move. Christian gazed deeply into the brown orbs, and in his heart, he could see that Syed's mind wasn't going to be changed. He knew Syed well enough to know that when he made his mind up, nothing could change it.

"_I'm sorry"._

"_Don't be, it was just an idea". _Christian's voice wavered slightly. They stood up, hugging.

"_I better go, Tam's waiting for me"._

"_I'll see you in a bit"._

"_Yeah"._

Syed walked to the door, grabbing his jacket. He paused at the door.

"_Christian. I'm sorry". _

"_Like I said, don't be. It was just a silly idea"._

Flashing him a brief smile, Syed left, shutting the door behind him.

Watching him go, Christian sank back in the chair. _"It's just a dream"_ he said aloud, tracing the table with his fingers, splashing them with his tears.

-Chryed-

Christian played with the hair above Syed's navel, holding him close as he squirmed. Syed ran his fingers lightly up and down Christian's arms.

"_I'm going to miss this you know"._

"_What? Sex on tap"?_

Christian poked his stomach.

"_Believe it or not, that's exactly what I meant". _

Syed turned over in Christian's arms, leaving kisses all over his face.

"_We better make the most of the time we've got left then, haven't we"?_

-Chryed-

"_SY! YOUR PHONE'S RINGING!" _

Christian bellowed across the room, to the door. Picking up the phone, he saw Doctor Yusef's name flashing on the screen. His eyebrows knitted together, in slight confusion.

"_Hello"?_

"_Hi Christian. Sorry, I thought I rang Syed's mobile" _Yusef's voice was as silky as ever down the phone.

"_You did, but he's in the shower. We always answer each other's mobile". _He didn't know why, but Yusef put him on edge sometimes. And he realised, with a slight start, that he'd answered him slightly defiantly, as if he felt he had to defend his relationship to Yusef as well as the Masood's.

" _Of course, that's understandable. Could you just pass a message on for me, please"?_

"_Yeah sure"._

"_Can you ask him to ring me back, as soon as possible in fact. It's rather urgent"._

"_Is everything okay with him"?_

"_Everything's in order Christian, fear not". _Without another word, Christian was left listening to a dialling tone. He shook his head, annoyed. Surely Yusef could have told him, whatever it was?

Syed walked out the room wearing a tight purple shirt, ruffling his wet hair with a towel.

"_Who was that"?_

"_Yusef. He wants you to phone him back. It's 'urgent' apparently". _

Christian's voice was slightly irritable. Walking over, Christian passed Syed the phone. _"I'm just going to check I've finished packing". _Syed took the phone, and called Yusef back.

"_Hello"?_

"_Hi Syed. Thanks for ringing me back to quickly"._

"_It's alright. Christian said you needed to talk to me, and it was urgent?"_

"_Yeah. Would you be able to pop over to the B&B for a while"?_

"_Could it wait till tomorrow? Only Christian's leaving tonight"._

"_Ah, yes". _A short pause. "_I'm sorry it slipped my mind. It can't really wait. The situation is that there's someone who wants to meet you, and I'm with them now"._

"_Meet me? Who on earth would want to do that"?_

"_I can't tell you over the phone as there's a bit more to the story and it'd really be easier if I could see you face to face and explain fully to you. It shouldn't take more than an hour"._

Syed groaned to himself. Yusef was quite a persuasive man and the sooner that he got it over and done with, then the better.

"_Give me 10 minutes, Christian and I will be over"._

"_You're bringing him along"? _These was a small tone of surprise.

"_That isn't a problem, is it"?_

"_Course not. Just thought that he might have packing to do". _

"_He's already finished. I'll see you soon then. Bye."_

"_Bye"_

Hanging up the phone, Syed turned to find Christian watching him.

"_What's the big emergency then"? _

" _No idea, but you're coming with"._

"_Urgh, do I have to babe"?_

"_You're leaving tonight in case you've forgotten, of course you're probably counting down the seconds until you're on your flight and away from me…"_

Christian grabbed the keys and dragged Syed towards the door.

"_Stop complaining, or you'll be old before you know it". _Planting a quick kiss on his lips, they left the flat hand in hand…

-Chryed-

"_Sorry, what did you say"?_

Christian leaped out of his chair, letting it fall.

"_If you've bought Syed to harm by bringing him here, I swear to God I'll kill you Yusuf and him, I mean it"._

Christian's eyes darted around the room, eventually resting on a nervous Syed.

The door burst open and a young girl, with long plaited hair walked confidently in.

"_Oh pipe down Christian. I see you're still the same drama queen."_

A shocked Christian and Syed stared transfixed at her. They uttered a single word, simultaneously.

"_Amira". _

-Chryed-

"_Thank you Yusuf, but I can take it from here. Now if you all don't mind, I'd like to talk to my husband, next door. Alone". _

She turned on her heel and walked out the door as quickly as she'd come back into their lives..


End file.
